It is a strange sort of pain "to die of yearning for something you'll never experience"

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

he looks at me through the smoke of his cigarette
moving his head up and down,considerate
gazing at me so damn liberate

i look at him, waiting to hear him say..
but he shows me the way
i see blue from his eyes pour
by the sound of slamming the door
and after that
there's only gray sky
clouds dancing so high
and i feel like a bird,so shy


Monday, January 27, 2003

..I could be golden I could be glowing I could be freedom
but that could be boring...

خسته ام،خیلی خسته ام.از خیلی چیزا،از خیلی آدمها،از خودم...از تو...

Saturday, January 25, 2003

"if you're ugly, i'm ugly too
in your eyes sky is a different blue"

....hehe,you maybe ugly.but i'm not, not any more
and sky is no different in your eyes,no different any more see? i'm getting over...getting over you..but what should i do with myself? i look in the mirror,all i see is can i get over you,me,

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

اين تنها شعري است
که مي‌توانم بگويم
من تنها کسي هستم
که مي‌تواند آن را بنويسد
وقتي همه‌چيز خراب شد
خود را نکشتم
به اعتياد
پناه نبردم
موعظه نکردم
سعي کردم بخوابم
اما وقتي نتوانستم بخوابم
ياد گرفتم بنويسم
ياد گرفتم بنويسم
چيزي که يک نفر مثل خودم
در شبهايي اين چنين
بتواند بخواندش.
لئونارد کوهن

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

..being myself..

it happened again...everybody expect me to be that little,noisy,funny,happy girl whom they don't feel strange with! yourself..pooH, what the hell do YOU know about me? i am me,i am the girl who doesn't get surprised anymore, the girl who doesn't truly laugh anymore.but "if i show you my dark side, what would you do?" want me to act? want me to continue acting??want me to be just like you? aren't you tired enough dealing with you?
little,noisy,funny,happy, that's how you see me,that's how you want me to be,how you want me to remain...and i'm...i'm sick of this view! and sick of you!

Monday, January 20, 2003

به فرهنگ عزيز:
ممنون از نظري که برام گذاشتي.
از ديگران مينويسم چون با شعراشون توي يه لحظه هائي احساس نزديکي ميکنم.
احساسي که مدتهاست به هيچ کسي ندارم.حتي به خودم.
خوبه اگه آدم خودشو توی آئينه ديگرون ببينه.خوبه اگه آدم خودشو توي آئينه ديگرون ببينه و طاقت بياره.
و کاش رفقاي آدم فکر نميکردن که نيمرو خوردن کار آسونيه.
ممنونم که آمدی.

روزی که شروع کردم به نوشتن این بلاگ میدونستم، میدونستم که پشیمون می شم.منتها فکر نمیکردم به این زودیا!!

Thursday, January 16, 2003

... F... day, one day when i feel so much in love that i can not live without you, i'll let you go.
until then, be patient and stay in the shadows of my dreams...

(not Alanis,not REM, not Yannis,not Charles, not even mom,,this time it's just me)

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

زنی که تو را می بوسد
و طعم گس لبانت را می چشد
می داند
عصاره یک عشق کهنه را مزه مزه می کند
و اگر چون من عاشق بود
می فهمید
تفاله های شرابی مقدس را می نوشد
مهوش نبوی

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

رقص روی لیوانها

امروز بعد از مدتها یک تئاتر عالی دیدم.
اسمش بود:"رقص روی لیوانها".هر چند وسطهای ماجرا لنزهای من کار دستم دادند و پدرم درآمد و الان تقریبا" به صورت نیمه کور اینا رو با این کیبورد لعنتی مینویسم اما
جدا" عالی بود.

Monday, January 13, 2003


my unborn forgive me
i only wish i had the strength to bring
you into this world
more faithful
(alanis morissette)

Thursday, January 09, 2003


we're nothing
we're everything

i am nothing
yet i am everybody

we're nothing
and yet we are

wisdom lights up life's road

i know you

(alanis morissette)

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

...و امروز دریافتم:

"آگاهانه انجام دادن تمام کارها،ناآگاهانه ترین کاریست که تا به حال انجام داده ام".

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

Precious Illusions

"you'll rescue me right? in the exact same way they never did..
I'll be happy right? when your healing powers kick in

you'll complete me right? then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right? only when you realize the gem I am?

but this won't work now the way it once did
and I won't keep it up even though I would love to
once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
but I know I won't keep on playing the victim

these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless
and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends"

....I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode....
(alanis morissette)
thank you alanis!

Monday, January 06, 2003

..take on me..

i opened my lyrics' folder to choose one, there were only emptiness in my mind.i clicked on this one just turned out to be what i needed at the moment.

Take On Me
We're talking away
I don't know what I'm to say
I'll say it anyway
Today's another day to find you
Shying away
Oh, I'll be coming for your love, OK?

Take on me
take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

So needless to say
I'm odds and ends
But that's me stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry

Take on me
take me on
I'll be gone
In a day or two

Oh, the things that you say
Is it life or just to play
my worries away
You're all the things I've got to remember
You're shying away
I'll be coming for you anyway
---------------'s another day to find you...

Sunday, January 05, 2003

...there ain't so much to say....

Friday, January 03, 2003

پري كوچك غمگيني را
مي شناسم كه در اقيانوسي مسكن دارد
و دلش را در يك ني لبك چوبين
مي نوازد، آرام، آرام
پري كوچك غمگيني
كه شب از يك بوسه مي ميرد
و سحرگاه از يك بوسه به دنيا خواهد آمد"
فروغ فرخزاد