It is a strange sort of pain "to die of yearning for something you'll never experience"

Friday, August 29, 2003

" thine own self be true."

I was supposed to meet you
I was supposed to smell you
I was supposed to feel you
I was supposed to leave you

I’m supposed to abandon me…..

Monday, August 25, 2003

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Start eating at 4:00 am,
I get tones of dirty dishes in the mornings
I’m happy; guess the reason is my new nail polish
Everybody’s asleep
That’s when I get cold
I pause the movie and get my dark navy jacket
It’s almost the midsummer
No dreams come to mine mind!
William’s on vocation, he said he’s gonna try Hawaii
Good for him, he needs some sun!
Clarissa’s here, she says she like my jacket and that my hair’s too fizzy!
Keep on dreaming Clarissa,
I’ll count the sheeps twice!

Friday, August 22, 2003

Oh, it'll take a little time,
might take a little crime
to come undone now

Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers

We'll try to stay blind
to the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry


i think i'm going real crazy this time....

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

همه (!) رفتن عروسی..منم باید برم .باید منم ماتیک بزنم،موهای وحشیمو آروم کنم
و به همه آدمایی که میبینم لبخند بزنم تا ببینند که چقدر خوشحال و شادم
پس چرا نشستم اینجا و دارم زارمیزنم؟
این یک سوال ساده است.
کلاریسا،تو میدونی چرا،نه؟

Having watched the Bitter Moon
I’m sitting here, gazing at the monitor for I don’t know how long!

Please be a sexaholic
Please be unpredictably miserable
Please be self absorbed much (not the good kind)
Please be addicted to some substance
Making the coffee bitterer everyday
Reading more and more everyday
Trying to laugh out louder everyday
Knowing Clarissa better everyday
Melting more in the feminine side everyday
I'm beginning to "BE"...and it feels strange!
Could you pass me those forks over there?
Clarissa....wake up! I need the forks...

Sunday, August 17, 2003

You left me at 4 pm today.
Sorry, but I’m not sure I’m gonna miss you.
And I’m neither sure if I wanna even try to...
I think I’ll better keep the memory, even though I know I wouldn’t check it much…
Immaculate dream….that’s what I want…you don’t serve it here, right chef?
Clarissa, let’s go…they don’t serve it here…
Do you feel like nightlife tonight Clarissa?
Do you need some air?
Here you are my dearest host, ain’t it like a déjà vu Clarissa?
You've heard this before, right?

Saturday, August 16, 2003

..I’ve got so much to tell you about where I have been
what am I suppose to say?
How am I supposed to feel?
Why do you have to be so pretty?
Why do I float between wanting you and not wanting you?
Why do I feel such lonely?
Close the door when you leave.
I want you to leave...
Clarissa...wake up, he’s gone...

Friday, August 15, 2003

Here I am, sitting here with all the nerves I could found around the house to keep me going.
Listening to friendly sad old songs, which I used to fantasy with’em.
I’m waiting to get connected, but the fuckin’ account seems so cruel tonight.
I don’t wanna be alone tonight, not tonight…I can’t.
I gotta get myself connected even if there would be only the “Yahoo Helper” online!!
I gotta talk to someone…somebody who doesn’t know me at all
There are some drunken people in the hall; I hear them argue about the black magic.
I need some air, and so does Clarissa……….
I feel, I feel like taking a life..

Thursday, August 14, 2003

yeah,well..i'm sleepless,so what??
my hand's bleeding.i like to lick the blood i look like i'm sexaholic?
"oh,baby,'s a wild world"
I'm in a strange state of mind reading 4 books at the same time!
give me those papers,would you?
Clarissa's here.she needs some air,and so do I!
Herve,my everyday pal,comes and goes, looks at my life like it's a rollercoaster~ favorate fat symphatic poet,he's arguing about chilli peppers,women and freedom.
Raymond,he talks about love, flicking a cigarrette...
I don't want you to understand my state anymore..instead,I'm gonna try to understand yours.
how about that?
you're a little late...i'm already torn!

یه دنیا دلم تنگ شده،
واسه همه "نگفتن"ها...
واسه همه "نشنیدن"ها....
همه " نبودن"ها...
تقصیر تو نیست...تقصیر من هم..
فقط... بگو بدونم،همیشه اینقدر زیبا هستی؟

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

I'm reading "Mrs.Dalloway".

Monday, August 11, 2003

mommy, can i go out and kill tonight?
i feel, i feel like taking a life....

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

"i'm so happy,cause today i found my friends, they're in my head.."

..surfing after a real tough day,i can not stop smiling.
i might even pick up the phone,dial a number and say i love you and don't care who you are!
yeah,that's me in the moment.

listening to nirvana's "lounge act",i feel desperately healed!
yeah,kinda ironic....desperately healed!
i'm in harmony with my hands,my feet,even my organs!
"can you feel my love buzz?"

Saturday, August 02, 2003

no use to hide behind my colored glasses
no use to hide in crowded streets
no use to hide in new relationships
no use to hide in someone elses' arms
i've missed you...
not the way i used to...

Friday, August 01, 2003

In my place, in my place,
were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.

and I was lost, I was lost,
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,
I was lost, oh yeah.

I was scared, I was scared,
tired and under prepared,
but I�ll wait for it.

And if you go, if you go,
and leave me down here on my own,
then I'll wait for you, yeah.

they're cool,ain't they?